Come Wake Me Up
by JimberlyShipper
Summary: This is set in season three, and the only thing that's canon is that Dean made the deal to save Sam with the demon. Destiel is already established.


_**Disclaimer: The characters of **__SPN_ _**do not belong to me. If, however, you see a charrie you don't know, it's mine. I was listening to this song **__Come Wake Me Up_ _**by Rascal Flatts and it made me think of Destiel. This is only canon in one detail. Dean did make the deal of with the crossroads demon to save Sam's life. The rest is AU. Dean and Cas are being difficulties with Dean's decision. I haves no idea how this will go. So read at your own risk. Don't be those scared of Pennywise wimps who see the banner and complain it's scary. Then for the love of Chuck don't look at it! Anyway, let's soldier on!**_

Come Wake Me Up

By Julia

_I can usually drink you right off my mind  
But I miss you tonight  
I can normally push you right out of my heart  
But I'm too tired to fight_

_Yeah the whole thing begins  
And i let you sink into my veins  
And I feel the pain like it's new  
Everything that we were  
Everything that you said  
Everything that I did and that  
I couldn't do plays through tonight_

The fight had gone on for days. Dean was just waking up from a hangover. The fight that had ended his relationship. Truly, his engagement. The ring Dean still wore, on a chain around his neck. He hadn't been able to stop wearing it. Sam, his little brother, and John, his father, hadn't once given him shit for it. Dean was right now, drowning his sorrows in Johnnie Walker and a pile of cheeseburgers on the hotel room's coffee table. They weren't on a case yet, just blowing off steam. He was watching _Looney Tunes_. Sam and John had gone out to hustle to get some cash. All Dean could think about was Castiel. His fiance. They weren't even getting their last moments they could together because Cas had gotten angry and left. Not that Dean could blame him on that score. Even if what he'd done had saved Sammy's life, it had doomed Dean's own life. Dean had made a deal with a crossroads demon to let Sam have his life back. Only problem was Dean had to give up his own life after a year and he'd spend 40 years in hell. Cas was of the mind that they should have discussed it first. And that they find another way or something. Even if Dean knew it was crap.

_Three months earlier_

Sam and John had left Dean and Cas alone in the adjoining room to go get supplies. They were going to be here for a couple of weeks, so Dean was unpacking his clothes. "Why did you do it?" Came the sexy raspy voice of Cas. Dean turned to look at him. He knew what Cas meant. "I had to. Sammy….. He…. he… _died_ in my arms, Cas." Dean's voice was shaking. It had been a month and he still had trouble with it. Dean moved to go over to Cas, who was standing by their one tiny window. He reached out and took one of his fiance's hands. "I love you. You know that I do. And I get why you're mad. I do. I'd be pissed as fuck if I were you. But it was _Sam_. And I would have done it for you if need be."

None of this was reassuring Cas. Because he was _still_ going to lose Dean after waiting so long for him. "You didn't even _consider_ how I would feel! We're engaged, Dean. The country may be behind on gay marriage, but we're _going _to Vermont and getting married." Cas was also trying to keep the tears out of his tone. "You didn't even _consider_ me! You just agreed to _die_. What about me?! I'm going to have to go on without you after waiting millenia for you! I love you. You are the one I'm supposed to be with. And now you've thrown a wrench into that plan." He yanked his hand free from Dean's. At this, he looked very offended. But as if he understood as well. "This is happening to me, too." He said fiercely.

All of the words Cas spoke hit him like a battering ram. And deep inside, Dean knew that Cas was right. He should have talked to Cas about it. But Dean hadn't been able to get the sight of Sam falling to his knees with mortal wounds in front of him off his mind. Dean wasn't sure that he was _ever_ going to be able to forget it. "Cas, I'm so so sorry. I _should_ have talked to you. I just, I couldn't let Sammy be gone. I've spent pretty much my whole life taking care of him and protecting him. I got…. I couldn't let that be it." By this time, Dean was crying. "Cas, please. We can find some way out of this. I know we can."

"_You _can. I am not going to stay around for a year watching you kill yourself." Cas told him, and he _hated _the pain in Dean's eyes. On his face. But Cas meant it. "I'm sorry, too, Dean. I'm sorry that you don't love me enough to do something like this and not care about what I think. Or what will happen to me when you _die_." Cas said this last bit a lot pointedly so that Dean would get that that was going to happen. Dean was just crying so hard he couldn't stop. Cas refused to let Dean see his emotions. Cas' voice shook as he said this last bit to him. "I love you, Dean. But I can't watch you love your last year." Cas left then, knowing the pain he was leaving Dean in. It was his, too.

_Present Day_

Dean and Cas had fought for days after that over texts. Cas hadn't come when Dean called. He'd prayed, too. That's what he was doing right now. "Cas, please. I know I fucked up. Big time. But please. I need you." He was beyond drunk and on his third burger. "Please, baby, I love you." Dean didn't think he was going to come. Dean tried every day. He looked up as his father and Sam came back. Dean immediately stopped praying and gestured towards the burgers. "I've got plenty." He hoped that if they'd heard him praying they wouldn't let on. Dean didn't want to talk about Cas. It hurt him more than anything else had.

Tossing the envelope full of money on the coffee table, John looked at Dean. "You do any searching for cases today, boy?" John asked. He hadn't exactly been angry with Dean for what he'd done. He however, did get where Cas was coming from, too. Dean should have consulted his _fiance_ before doing something like that. John was also wondering why any of them were still hunting. They'd gotten the demon that had killed Mary. John reached to get his own drink. "Sam and I hustled our asses off to get some cash. Don't tell me all you did today was drink and pray to Castiel." John knew Dean was hurting, but he should be finding the demon made the deal with and killing it. No death sentence then.

"Um, Dad…." Dean knew that his father wasn't going to like his answer. "No, I didn't look for any cases. I _did_ try and track down the demon." Dean felt this should make up for the fact that he hadn't found a case for them. Dean wasn't ready. He knew how important it was that they find Ruby. Dean didn't even know where to begin looking for her. Calling her with a trap he didn't feel was going to get them anywhere. They needed to be able to kill her. Dean lifted his gaze to his father's. "I'm sorry, Dad. I know how bad I fucked up. But I'm… I thought Cas would be here with me. And now, he's gone, and I have to spend the rest of the year, trying to find Ruby, missing Cas every second. Of every day. I don't blame him for being so pissed at me. But it was Sammy. I had to save him. I figured we had a year to figure all of this out." Dean was struggling with trying not to cry. He didn't want John to get angry at him for taking so long to get going. Dean hadn't even really been trying. So, it's not like Dean would blame his dad if he did get angry. Dean shouldn't be wasting the time that he was. He rubbed his hands across his face. "No one is angrier at me than myself, Dad." Dean sighed, not moving his hands.

Looking at Sam first, John then turned back to Dean. "You aren't too old for me to beat you senseless." That was an empty threat, John had never beaten or spanked them. "It's been three months, boy. We've _got_ to find Ruby. I'm not angry that you saved Sam. Although I don't have to tell you Sam thinks you should have let him go." Before either boy could say anything, John held up a hand. "I'm not done. What's done is done. But we need to try and find Ruby to kill her so you get your life back. You need to stop sitting here drunk and moping." John set a much bigger pile of money next to Sam's on the table.

"Can I speak for myself?" Sam asked, and the other two looked at him. "Dean, you were wrong. You shouldn't have saved me like this. Not with giving up your life. And you didn't even _ask_ Cas what he thought. Cas _loves_ you, Dean. He told me that he's never been in love with anyone before. You. You're it. Do you know how much what you did actually hurt him? Because I'm not sure you do. You agreed to get married. I know we keep pointing that out to you, but you keep not getting it. Death is a risk of the job. I knew that. But you basically put an expiration date on your life with Cas. Don't you see how awful that is for him to go through?" Sam hoped that Dean got it finally.

What his brother said hit him like a brick. Dean's eyes filled with tears. "I'll be right back." Dean got up, his phone still in his hand, and went outside to lean on his car. He hit speed dial two to get Cas. His heart was pounding as it rang and rang. Cas' odd voicemail came on, and Dean began to talk. His voice was shaking and tears gathered in his eyes. "Cas, babe, Sam just… he explained to me why you're so angry with me. I get it now. I had promised to be with you forever, and when I did what I did, it was like breaking up with you. I'm so so sorry, babe. I love you." He hung up, crying.

_Tonight your memory  
Burns like a fire  
With every one it goes higher and higher  
And I can't get over it,  
I just can't put out this love  
I just sit in these flames  
And pray that you'll come back  
Close my eyes tightly  
Hold on and hope that I'm dreamin'  
Come wake me up_

_Turn the tv up loud  
Just to drown out your voice  
But I can't forget  
Now I'm all out of ideas  
And down to my last cigarette  
Yeah you're probably asleep  
Inside of your dreams while  
I'm sitting here crying and trying to see  
Now I'm sure you've moved on  
And aren't thinking twice about me  
And you tonight_

In Lawrence, Kansas, Cas was listening to his voicemail. Dean had left message after message. This last one, though, Cas could tell that Dean meant everything he was saying. Cas looked at his phone for a long moment, and then he called Sam. He had to get Sam's advice. When Sam said hello, Cas' eyes rushed with tears. It had been a long three months. "Hey, Sam." Cas said, and they did the small talk thing for a minute. "Sam, I got another call from Dean. He says that you explained to him why I was so upset. I need to know if he truly does get it and he's truly sorry and going to go on the hunt for Ruby. Because I can't watch him die. I love him so much, and I just can't…. I can't watch him leave this world. Especially since he'll be going to spend 40 years in hell. Time moves so differently there. He'll… it'll be hard." Cas' voice shook the whole time that he was speaking.

"Yeah, Cas, he means it. Right now, he's looking for a case. And trying to put out some feelers about where Ruby might be." Sam was so glad that he'd finally gotten through to Dean, too. He couldn't watch Dean die, either. "I know that he wants you to come back. He loves you, and he really does feel sorry for what happened." Sam had his own mixed feelings. When you were a hunter, you knew that death was a side effect. Sam had wished that Dean hadn't done what he had. He didn't want Dean to give up his life for him. "I didn't want him to do this for the record, Cas. Death is something that you have to accept with being a hunter." Sam would never have wanted his family to die in place of him. It just wasn't something he'd ever wanted. He had once tried to get out and go to college. Then his girlfriend Jessica had been taken by the same demon who had killed their mother. Although now they knew Mary had known the demon was coming for Sam when he was a baby and had never spoken up to John. They both… were angry with her. John refused to blame her, but Sam could understand that Mary was the love of his life. It was easy to forgive the love of your life anything. "You should come back, Cas. He misses you."

The fact that Sam was telling him that Dean was remorseful helped Cas a lot. Because he knew that Sam wouldn't lie to him. Cas also knew that John was on his side. That helped Cas a lot as well. It was surprisingly, because Dean had been raised to take care of Sam, but Cas also knew that John felt that Cas was good for Dean, and Dean shouldn't have given up his life. "Thanks for telling me the truth, Sam." Cas finally said. He still didn't know if he should go back though. Cas very much appreciated that Dean finally got the consequences of what he'd done, but Cas was still so hurt. "I'm still so hurt, Sam. I need time to think." They hung up after a few more minutes, Cas promising to call after he'd had time to think. He pulled up Dean's number in his phone, looking at it for a long time. Cas just couldn't bring himself to call him. His eyes brushed with tears. He loved Dean with all of his heart. He couldn't go through Dean dying. And he knew he could believe Sam when he said that Dean knew how badly he'd messed up. Cas just needed some more time to let that sink in. Even if he knew that he couldn't take too long, Dean only had nine more months. Unless they got to Ruby. Cas kept staring at Dean's contact info in his phone, and he ached to call him. This had been the longest separation since they'd met and it hurt so much.

Two weeks later, Castiel had hit the speed dial that was for Dean and waited for him to answer. When he heard Dean's excited voice saying 'Hey, Cas', the tears filled his eyes. "Hello, Dean." His voice shook as he spoke. "I've missed you." Cas said, his heart pounding out of his chest. "I wanted to tell you that I believe how sorry you are." Cas was glad when Dean let out a sigh of relief. "I want to come back. I want to help find Ruby and kill her." The part that it would save Dean's life went unspoken. "Just tell me where you are and I'll be there." Cas just needed Dean in his arms.

"We're in Sioux Falls, Bobby found some info on where Ruby might be." Dean told him, unable to keep the happiness out of his voice. Dean had been missing Cas so much. He'd been trying to help with finding Ruby and finding cases, but he'd still been hiding a lot of his pain. That was nothing new to him though. Dean was always one to hide his true feelings as often as possible. He was like John that way, But Dean didn't mind that. His father was his hero. He'd done his best by Sam and Dean, and John was a very good hunter. Part of it was his Marine training. He'd already had some skills in that area.

"Stay put. I'll be right there." Cas knew where Bobby's place was, and he hung up and in seconds was at Bobby Singer's door, knocking. When the door swung open, it was Dean. Cas let Dean pull him close and kiss him deeply. Cas shivered as Dean's arms wrapped around his waist and he whispered in Cas' ear that they were all alone. Shivering, Cas let Dean pull him towards the bathroom. They both began to take off clothes, Dean licking his lips when he saw that Cas was wearing pink, silky boyshorts. Dean moved over to Cas, his thumbs hooking in Cas' panties and slowly tugging them off. Then he climbed in the shower, Cas following. Cas let out a shiver as Dean got down on his knees and parted Cas' ass cheeks, his tongue licking around the pucker of Cas' entrance. His tongue circled it, and Cas groaned. He was bracing himself on the shower walls, warm water running down on them. Dean let his tongue go inside a couple of times, and then wet his finger and slipped it inside Cas, who gasped out Dean's name. This was unbelievably only their second time. Cas' hand was sliding up and down his own cock, and within a matter of seconds, Dean's cock was inside him. "Oh, fuck, Dean!" Cas gasped out, as Dean's large cock filled him. Cas leaned back into Dean, and Dean tilted Cas' head so he could kiss him. Dean's hands were on Cas' hips as he started to fuck him, and hard.

His cock was fully inside Cas, and Dean saw Cas' hand on his own cock, rubbing up and down the shaft before cupping his balls. Dean's lips moved to suck Cas' neck, he wanted to mark him. Cas was groaning deeply and he was shaking at the feel of Dean inside him. Cas squeezed around Dean's cock, and they both let out groans. Cas twisted to watch Dean's jaw and kissed him, as Cas came with a whimper. Dean kept thrusting, his hands braced on Cas' hips. Cas had been pushed up against the shower wall, and Dean was pounding hard, his hips hitting Cas' as he did so.

Not long after that, Dean was coming, too, with a groan of Cas' name, and his arms wrapped around Cas' waist, still inside him. Dean leaned and whispered in Cas' ear. "That was amazing. And I've saved myself for you." At this, Cas turned to face him, shivering as Dean's cock slid out of him. "You…. you haven't masturbated?" Cas asked, his tone in awe. Dean was a very sexual being, and Cas had definitely thought Dean would "jerk off" as he said. Cas' blue eyes also rose to his hairline. "I love you so much, Dean." He said, and moved to kiss him again. They heard voices, and both exclaimed, hurrying to shut off the water and get dressed.

"You're supposed to be researching." John's voice came from the hall, and when the door opened, ot revealed Cas and Dean, both barely dressed and wet. "Welcome back, Castiel." John said, giving them both a knowing look before he took the groceries he held into the kitchen. John looked at Bobby, who was putting away some snack foods. "Hey, I just came across Dean and Castiel coming out of the bathroom, wet." He moved to put the fixings for the chili on the counter. He loved to make chili and it was getting cold here. It _was_ Minnosota after all. He put the meat on to brown up. "I'd bet money they had sex in your shower." John knew they weren't doing it more regularly because of hunting.

After yelling at the other three to get to work on something, Bobby got out some whiskey and poured them both some. After he'd downed his and poured another, Bobby said, "They're almost never alone, I don't blame them. Plus, it's been months since they saw each other." Bobby had been surprised that John had been so accepting of Cas and Dean. It was definitely a good thing. Bobby just hadn't expected it. Bobby began to laugh as he imagined the looks on the boys' faces. "I'll bet that was just so awkward for them." Bobby said, opening a beer as he was still chortling. "You'd better get enough space in there, Winchester." Bobby told him, dodging the onion that John threw at him.

"Way to be role models." Dean said, as he came in to get drinks for himself and Cas. "Sorry about your bathroom, Bobby." Bobby was like his and Sam's uncle. Bobby and John had been in the Marines together in Vietnam. And they both had lost a spouse to death, they were able to talk and commiserate about things dealing with that. Dean loved Bobby just as much as he did John. "Sweet, Dad's chili." Dean said, his tone playful. Cas' eyes met his, and Dean wondered if he was being too flippant. He moved to Cas and wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and buried his head in Cas' neck. "I love you."

Feeling Dean's breath on his neck, Cas tried not to let it turn him on. He knew gallows humor was how Dean needed to deal with things. It did make Cas very uncomfortable, but he was trying to learn, it was a human reaction. Cas was still getting used to certain human emotions. "I love you too, Dean." He said quietly back, and decided to let Dean off the hook for his fliappancy. Cas was just glad to have him back. Those months had been unbearable. He decided they could take a night off from working so hard. "Dean and I are going out." Cas said, and ignored the gasps in the room. "It's been months and we need to let off steam." Cas felt very good about this idea.

Blushing deeply, Dean handed him Baby's keys and they were outside. Dean felt like a teenager again. Dean couldn't believe he had Cas back, and he didn't want to waste anymore time without him. He leaned out and kissed Cas again. "I love you so much, and I promise, we'll get Ruby. I don't want to waste any time not being with you." Cas kissed him back, but only nodded at what Dean had said. Dean thought maybe Cas was still upset and decided not to push him on it. "Wherever you want to go is okay with me." Dean said, sliding into the passenger seat. Dean only let Sam and Cas drive his car. Although, if John had needed to, he would. It had been John's. As Cas got in the car, Dean reached out and laced his fingers with Cas' on the gear shift. "I hope we can have more sex like that. For once in my life, having sex is making love." Dean didn't want to bring up them being caught, but he also secretly thought it was kind of hot. But he wasn't sure if Cas would think so, since he was still learning about how human things worked. Cas lightly squeezed Dean's fingers and then shifted into gear, and Dean pulled his hand back. Something still felt off. Dean was afraid to ask what it was, in case Cas was having doubts of getting back with him. Dean put his hands on his thighs, feeling more nervous than he ever had with Cas. And he couldn't really be surprised. This had been a huge mistake that he'd made.

"It was very satisfying, Dean." Cas said, as he left the driveway and started down the road towards town. Bobby's place was outside of town. Cas kept both hands on the wheel. Cas may still be learning human emotions, but he still could tell that Dean was nervous. Cas thought it was cute, but he also didn't want Dean to feel so nervous. "Dean, you don't have to feel so nervous. Everything is okay. We're going to figure things out." Cas couldn't look at him since he was driving, but he could hear his fiance's sigh of relief. Cas said, "We're going to grab some burgers and then hit up a karaoke bar."

That was pretty much Dean's perfect evening. "That sounds great, babe." Dean said, a smile breaking on his face. Dean had a great singing voice, and only within the last few months had he started doing things like karaoke to show it off. He hadn't gone so far as to get a guitar though. Maybe if he retired, which actually was supposed to be the deal when they got Ruby. Dean and Cas were supposed to have a normal life. Kids, a house, all of that. Dean hadn't thought he'd ever have that, but he found it was something that he really did want. "You really do know what I'm all about." This was said matter of factly and with happiness. Dean was just happy for now.

Within 45 minutes, they were at a tiny diner that Dean loved to hit up whenever he visited Bobby. Cas was perusing the menu, but Dean wasn't, he knew what he was getting. Cas' entire face was covered in a blush, Dean's foot had climbed up Cas' leg, and he wasn't used to Dean doing things like that in public. "Dean!" Cas said, in a whisper. "'We're in public." He knew Dean would push the boundaries as far as he could though. Cas covered his face with his menu. To his relief, the waitress came to take their order. Cas ordered a bacon cheeseburger, a Coke, and a hot fudge sundae. Dean ordered the same burger, and drink, but pie and chili cheese fries. Cas waited until the waitress had left before he spoke again. "After we kill Ruby, you _do_ still want to retire, right?" Cas asked, he'd been very surprised that Dean had agreed in the first place. All Dean had known from the time he was four was hunting. But Cas really wanted Dean to have meant it. Cas hadn't thought he'd want a normal life, but he did. Dean was who Cas was meant to be with. And he didn't want to be an angel anymore. Cas was very disillusioned with Heaven. Now that he'd spent so much time with humans, he saw that angels truly didn't care about mankind. Cas had actually taken it really hard, he'd been an angel for so long. "Because I want us to not have to worry about demons or anything like that. Have a normal life."

That was kind of out of the blue, since they hadn't spoken about it in months. Even before the fight. Dean looked at Cas, who was giving him that adorable puppy look he was so good at. Dean reached out to take one of Cas' hands. "I want that with you ,too, Cas. I do. The thought of it is hard, but only because I never thought I'd _have_ a normal life. I love you so much, though, and I will give it all up for you. You know how much I love you." Dean was actually kind of freaked out about it though, because hunting was all that he knew. He could handle himself around a car though, and he could start there job wise.

"I know that you're nervous about it." Cas told him. "I expect that. It's going to be new territory for you. For me, too." Cas said, his thumb stroking the back of Dean's hand. "I'm going to give up my Grace when this is all over." That caused Dean's eyebrows to rise. "I want to be able to actually grow old with you, Dean. The only way to do that is to give up my Grace. And I want to. I don't want to be an angel anymore. Angels think themselves superior over all creatures. I don't feel that way. I know you. I know Sam, John, and Bobby. You are all good men. Humans are flawed, but that doesn't mean that humans aren't worthy."

This threw Dean. It was one thing for Dean to give up hunting. But Cas, being an angel, was who he _was_. Dean knew that he'd be okay without hunting. It would actually be good to have an easy life with Cas. But he wasn't sure if he believed Cas could give up being an angel. "Cas, that's who you are. I'll love you no matter what, but I don't want you to end up resenting me later. I want nothing more than to die an old man with you, but don't give it up for me unless that's really what you want." Dean would hate it if Cas ended up hating himself or Dean for becoming human. The waitress brought their drinks and then rushed off. Dean took a grateful sip.

After taking one of his own, Cas looked at Dean. "Dean, I've thought about this for a year or so. I can't… I will live on forever if I don't give it up. You will grow old and die, and I won't. I'll have to live in a world without you. I can't do that. That's…" Cas' eyes filled with tears. "That's why I got so angry at you. Because now that I know that I've been waiting my whole life for you, I can't just give you up." He brushed tears off his cheeks. "Dean, I can't do anything without you. I don't want to. Just let me do this, okay?" Dean immediately started nodding and leaned out to kiss him and wipe Cas' cheeks. Cas let out a breath, trying to calm down. He knew they were going to get to have what they wanted.

_Six months later_

Dean and Cas were settling into their new home in Sioux Falls. They'd just gotten back from a small ceremony in Vermont. They were now "married". They were having a barbeque for the family today. It was them, John, Sam, Bobby, Sam's new girlfriend Jo, her mother Ellen, and Jody Mills, a woman John had been seeing for a couple of months. Sam and John and Bobby were still hunting, and that was why they'd settled in Sioux Falls. Dean was going to help Bobby run Singer's Auto. They were already on the hunt for a surrogate for having a baby. Dean was at the grill, cooking meat.

Jo sidled over to him. "You're really giving it up." She said, it wasn't a question. Dean gave her a nod. Jo had known the brothers for a year and a half or so. She had been surprised to find out that Dean was bisexual. Jo thought it was great, he and Cas were a cute couple. Jo also thought Cas was a little weird, but he was newly human. He was going through a learning curve. Jo was sipping a beer. She looked up at Dean. "We're family now, Winchester." She said, her tone cocky and she was grinning. Dean looked at her then, and she lifted her left hand. A ring sat there. She laughed when Dean's eyes widened. "Yeah, I'm gonna be a Winchester."

He leaned to hug her. "That's great, Jo." Jo, too, was hunting, despite her mother's misgivings. "Welcome to the family. Our family doesn't end in blood." Dean looked around the backyard. They had a small starter home, and Dean had done some of the repairs himself, with the permission of the landlord. Dean's eye met Cas', who was talking excitedly with John. He smiled and mouthed 'I love you'. Cas just gave him a nod. Meaning of course, that he loved Dean, too. Jo was talking, and Dean was trying to listen. Life had been so dire a year ago. Now, everything was going to be alright.

_**Author's note: This is one of my many listening to my iPod and get an idea fics. And I'm doing an **__SPN_ _**rewatch because I **__always_ _**am. Hope ya'll liked, and I swear, this is it. So thanks in advance for those who story follow, but this is the end. **_


End file.
